Weddings should be personalized for the couple. The following is a basic sample ceremony that is appropriate for followers of the Jewish sect the Way of Y'shua. I wrote this for the wedding of my dear friends Label (the groom) and Leah (the bride) and so I will use their names throughout rather than using blanks.
What you will need:
A rabbi (or other biblically and legally authorized officiator)
The couple. Traditionally the groom -- Label in this case -- is referenced first in all cases during the rite. This is optional.
A katuba (Jewish marriage contract)
A Bible (or bound Torah)
The required legal documents depending on local laws (state marriage license etc)
The Canape, flowers, etc as desired
At least two witnesses
A three candle menorah (candle holder) with three white candles (placed, unlit in the menorah: the center candle should be higher than the other two. The two side candles should be of equal height). Two stick matches (and spares). A cup of water to place the lit matches into (never blow out matches, candles etc.). Very important: The candles need to be in a place that is shielded from all wind, fans etc. The candles must be allowed to burn themselves out. Do not snuff them out.
A glass of red wine (or grape juice if preferred). A new white cloth placed over the mouth of the glass. The cloth may embroidered etc if desired. The cloth should be large enough to wrap the entire glass in.
The rings (if desired)
Note that when directed the attendees should join verbally in responding "A-Main."-- We can help with these items (and most other religious items you may need), e-mail bethhashem@comcast.com or visit Temple Beth HaShem online for information.
The rabbi (facing east) faces the couple. The unlit three candle menorah and glass of wine should be close at hand.
Rabbi: Dearly beloved we gather here together in love today in the presence of HaShem and these witnesses to observe the holy matrimony of Label and Leah.Why do we perform this rite? When considering origins we often like to start at the beginning, but let's look back farther than that, let's consider that period before the beginning.
Before the beginning there was Ain Soph, the Eternal, the One Alone and Utterly Complete without any second. Unfathomable and beyond all conception.
At some point, at the dawn of time, the Eternal Ain Soph revealed the Supernal Self as Elohiym. What does this mean? "El" in the Holy language is translated into English as the male God. 'Ohiym speaks of the feminine aspect of the One God and has no English equivalent. As Elohiym the Eternal is our Parent, both male and female in perfect harmony although not truly either. For our understanding, the male aspect is emphasized although HaShem is so much more. The point is that "In the beginning" the Eternal One revealed Self as Elohiym, as a union of the two polarities showing us that we are incomplete without both aspects although we come into this world as either males or females.
[Pause]
We understand from Scripture that at the very dawn of the beginning Elohiym brought forth the Only Begotten Son, this is what Colossians 1 and John 1 and other Scriptures reveal. Through that Son, the first born of all created beings, everything else that came to be was created.
The One became manifest in duality and produced the Son. A-main?
[Pause.]
Through the Son Elohiym created the heavens and the earth. After creating the stars, the seas, the birds, the animals and so on Elohiym, HaShem, created a man and named him Adam. But HaShem knew that it was not good for Adam to be alone and so He created Havah, also called Eve, as man and wife, father and mother. And these two became one flesh. Just as Laban and Leah will do later today.
We note that HaShem brought Havah forth from Adam's left side. Tradition tells us this was so she would always be close to his heart, his love. We are all their descendants.
We wont consider the history of the world here today so we skip forward to the days of our father Avram, a young man who came to know and trust in HaShem. One day HaShem looked down at Avram Avinu and said, It is not good that he should be alone and so HaShem brought him Sarah, the love of his life and mother of people Israel and all who join together with them.
The Torah explains how many years later Sarah and Avraham were blessed with the child of promise, Isaac. When the young man was grown Avraham sent a servant to get the wife HaShem had chosen for Isaac because again, it was not good for our father Isaac to be alone.
There is something important here that we don't want to miss! Historically at times parents have chosen the husbands and wives of their children. Sometimes matchmakers have made these choices. Some marriages have been made according to political or economic considerations and today people normally meet, fall in love and choose to wed. All of these are legitimate marriages but only some of them were Holy Matrimonies! Avraham did not want just a marriage for his believed son, he wanted holy matrimony for him. Avraham sent his most senior servant named Put, off with clear instructions so that he would know the woman HaShem had selected for Isaac. Put did as he was instructed and HaShem revealed Rebekah and in time Rebekah and Issac entered into holy matrimony.
[Pause.]
Today as Label and Leah stand before us it is so clear that they are in love. Leah is here, so beautiful; we can easily understand Label's desire to have her as his wife. And yet this is not why they are marrying today, or not fully. They are marrying because they know, as those of us who know them well can attest, that HaShem looked down and said, It is not good for Label to be alone; it is not good for Leah to be alone. But together, ah, that is good! [Rabbi motions to the attendees to affirm] And all of us present say A-main!
You see, HaShem has a purpose for our lives. Marriages may happen for many reasons but holy matrimony takes place by the Will of HaShem.
[Pause.]
In the Torah People Israel are shown to be the inheritors of the covenants made between HaShem and father Avraham. They are sometimes referred to collectively as the Wife of HaShem. The Holy Shabbat is also called the Wife of HaShem and as Queen of Days. The rabbis tell us that when men must leave home on business journeys HaShem's Shekinah or Spirit stays at home with the wife -- its not good for men to be away from home for too long! Our hearts, our very connections with HaShem, are at home with our wives and our children.
[Pause.]
So in the fullness of time the Only Begotten Son of Elohiym, our High Priest and coming Moshiach, Yeshua, took birth of Miryam, the wife of Yosef. Do you recall how he referenced his talmidim, his students? He called them his bride. A-main. And one day the glorious Wedding will come. May we all be found ready! And Yeshua has promised that in the fullness of time, once the Times of the Gentiles are completed, he will return... for whom? For his bride!
The Emissary Paul has much to say about Holy Matrimony but lets consider just one final point. Paul says that wives are to submit to their husbands. Now some people have misunderstood this point. Husbands are commanded to love and care for their wives even as Yeshua cares for and loves the community of Believers. The command for wives to submit to their husbands is not a permission for husbands to abuse their wives! God forbid! In no way! When husbands care for their wives as Yeshua cares for the Believers it is a relationship of mutual trust and respect, as godly husbands and wives, as mothers and fathers, as parents and children, all working together as a team to fulfill the most important of all mitzvot: To love HaShem completely and to love others as we love ourselves. Adon Y'shua loves us so utterly that he gave himself so that we could live and know HaShem. Label, that is the love you are being called to express for Leah as you enter into this covenant with her.
As you enter into the covenant of marriage today, Label and Leah, you are conforming to an ancient tradition established by HaShem from before the beginning. It is not a light thing, but it a thing of potentially unimaginable joy. We who are witnesses of this covenant say [Rabbi motions to the attendees to affirm] A-main!
[Pause.]
Here we have three white candles, white representing the purity of Holy Matrimony. The candle on your right represents Label, the candle on your left signifies Leah.
[Hand one match to each of them.]
Would you both please light your candle.
Until today you have lived as two separate people. You had your own lives and experiences and performed your services to HaShem as He has led you thus far. Today you are answering His call to Holy Matrimony. While you will continue to live as individuals, you will now live in the unity of spirit and flesh, one with the other. You are no longer alone in your successes, failings, joys and sorrow, you will hereafter share them with your helpmate, even as with Adam and Havah. You are being called today to serve HaShem as a team, in unity, and together you are called upon to bless the world as opportunities arise, for this is the call of all servants of HaShem. You are no longer two, you are about to become one.
Are you both prepared to take this next step?
We who are blessed to witness your Holy Union say [Rabbi motions to the attendees to affirm] A-main!
With attention and intention please take your candles and together light the central candle. This represents the merging of your life forces and futures and will remain in effect until death do you part.
A-main.
I now ask the ring bearer to give Label Leah's ring please.
While this is not a biblical tradition, the ring is a grand sign of the unending love and commitment you are entering into today.
What is the origin of this unification of souls you are entering into? It began before the beginning, way back when the Eternal Ain Soph revealed Self as Elohiym. For true love is without beginning and it is without end, just like the these rings.
As the Scripture tells us:
[Mattityahu (Matthew) 19:4] [Yeshua said] "Haven't you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female,
5 and that he said, `For this reason a man should leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two are to become one flesh'?
6 Thus they are no longer two, but one. So then, no one should split apart what God has joined together."My dear brother Label, please share your heart with Leah now, sharing with her in your own words why you are placing this ring on her finger and asking her to be your wife in the presence of HaShem and this community.
[Label does so.]
And those present say: [Rabbi motions to the attendees to affirm] A-main.
I now ask the ring bearer to give Leah Label's ring please.
My dear sister Leah, please share your heart with Label, letting him know why you are accepting his proposal and placing this ring on his finger and accepting him as your husband in the presence of HaShem and this community.
[Leah does so.]
And the people say: [Rabbi motions to the attendees to affirm] A-main.
Label and Leah, you are today giving yourselves to one another in the state of Holy Matrimony under the holy conditions set forth in Torah and in this Ketuba.
[The rabbi or officiating person reads the Kaatuba agreement terms.]
Label, do you take Leah to be your lawfully wedded wife under the terms and conditions of Torah, B'rit Hadashah and the laws of the state of California?
[Label answers: A-main]
Leah, do you take Label to be your lawfully wedded husband under the terms and conditions of Torah, B'rit Hadashah and the laws of the state of California?
[Leah answers: A-main]
[Label takes the glass of wine and offers Leah a sip.]
[Leah takes the glass of wine and offers Label a sip.]
[Leah hands the glass back to Label. He wraps it in the white cloth, carefully places it on the floor between them and breaks it under his foot. This act represents that no one will ever share in this wine of this Holy Matrimony. Sometimes the shards are collected later and planted near the home. This is optional.]
[As the glass shatters everyone shouts "Mazeltov!"
[Those assembled rise and greet the new couple. Traditionally there is now dancing and feasting.
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